What’s it like to keep going downhill

I woke up today wishing I would go back to the summer I graduated high school.

Last time, in my dream I went back to high school. It’s not the first time I had such dream.

In high school I wished everything would end and I would start my fresh life in University. I thought university would be all sunshine and rainbow. It was not. I was miserable for the first year. I had such a horrible time I wish all would end.

But now, I thought my best time was that summer. I had all my friends still there with me.

Ironically, during junior year of high school, I thought I peaked several years ago. It seems like I always think my peak was a few years back. It’s never now. Or the future. It’s always the past. And it worries me.

Am I just going downhill forever? I never felt like that in primary school, or even the first few years of middle school. It all started in high school.

When will it end. When will I feel proud of myself, become cheerful and hopeful again?